weird.

my decision to stay in Tacoma in the summer seems to have taken some sort of emotional burden off my shoulder. I can't quite figure out what it is, because Tacoma has always been just a place where I go to school, but suddenly, Tacoma is becoming my home. It's kind of weird, when I first decided to stay here, I tried hard to think of all the positive reasons why I should stay in Tacompton. In that process, I somehow convinced myself that I actually wanted to disassociate myself from Hawaii. this is weird. the idea seems new, yet kind of old. I mean after all, the whole reason why I decided to NOT to go to UH was because I wanted to get out of there. and its really not that I hate Hawaii, but something about it tells me that I shouldn't be there.
I also feel like I'm actually settling down for the first time since high school. Having to switch my lifestyle every break is stressful. this summer I feel like I actually get to continue with my life without putting it on pause... whenever I go back to Hawaii, I'm often disappointed with the stagnant lifestyle - with exception of constant remodeling of Ala Moana shopping center and growing belly of King Tuckster, nothing ever changes. friends tell me about the same problem they had since the previous summer and the summer before that, and then I offer them the same solution to the problem which I told the previous summer, and the summer before that. and, its not just them, I seem to get involved in this as well. so far, every single summer since the Freshman year of college, I've had some sort of emotional break down regarding my relationships with people from home. and I've noticed that its usually a domino effect that starts out in Hawaii and knocks down everyone, including anyone who is even remotely related to the certain issue. because in Hawaii, everyone fucking knows everyone. another words, "personal problem" does not exist in hawaii. it always have to be everyone's problem. and thats definitely not cool with me.

well, I was gonna write more but I'm off work so must get out. yay :D